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Life On The Exponential
I was 40 before I was confident enough to go outside in the daylight. Even then I would just drive around for a while and then back home. Once I decided to walk though a shopping center. This was a giant step for me, or so it seemed at the time. I didn't enter any stores, or linger at window-shopping. Some teenagers "made me", and I was panicked. I couldn't walk fast enough in those heels to get back to the car!
That whole experience set me back. I was convinced that I would never be able to go out in public en femme. I just couldn't pass. There just didn't seem to be any point in continuing to try to cross dress. Each excursion met with frustration. So I entered another purge, and started seeing a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist couldn't "cure" me. I became resigned to the fact that I would never be able to express myself openly as a woman. Whatever caused me to feel this way - I'd just have to live with it.
But the slow progression into more cross dressing continued. By the time I was 50 I dressed fully, drove my car in broad daylight 40 miles, and filled it with gasoline at a self-serve gas station. (Pay at the pump, of course. After all, I couldn't actually talk to anyone.)
