Personality & Behavior

by Becky Adams

I am an intellectual chap,
And often think of things that would astonish you.
I often think it's comical
How Nature always does contrive
That every little boy and every gal
That's born into the world alive
Is either a little Liberal
Or else a little Conservative. *

Private Willis is referring to political parties prevalent in 1882 in Great Britain but the point is well taken and is appropriate even today - as parents of multiple children will tell you. Personality does appear to be an inborn trait-and not a matter of nurture. And there is little, if anything, one can do to change one's own personality... let alone someone else's. So what's to be done in the case of an individual whose personality appears to be driving an organization apart?

Keep this mantra uppermost in your mind: you can change behavior, not personality!

There are some personalities that just seem to grate on one's nerves; very much akin to fingernails across an old-fashioned blackboard (some of our younger members may be aware of fingernails but blackboards mean nothing to them! Such is the price of progress!). While some times these personalities affect a large portion of the group and not just one person, we ought to concentrate on the individual first. Perhaps there is a reason why So-and-so really gets to you-in most cases one might realize that it is a case of "been there, had this happen" set of bad experiences with someone who exhibited the same personality traits. But whatever the cause, the effect is present-that person really gets to you! So much so that you miss the content of what that individual is saying or that you totally misread their actions or misinterpret what they are doing, all in line with your preconceived notions.

The opposite is also true-some people have the personality that would charm a snake out of its skin and we are so enamored with that smooth talking slippery sack of southern Siberian snake doo-doo that we accord her or his actions with an imprimatur (check with your knowledgeable Catholic friends to see what that means) that permits her or him to get away with anything. Personalities work both ways but while we can't change personalities, we can focus in on behavior and if we find-in either case-that the behavior is unacceptable, then we can concentrate on getting the individual to change behavior patterns.

In the case of the irritating personality, if we stand back and size up actions and concentrate on what is being said, not how, then we might be pleasantly surprised. In the case of the snake-charmer, see if their actions measure up to their words. In either case, concentrate on changing behavior because we'll all "either a little Liberal or a little Conservative."

* William S. Gilbert, Act II, lines 9-16, Iolanthe

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Updated: 05/08/04