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So How Do We Approach Counseling?  by Ellen Warren

Preparing For Your First Meeting

After you both have selected a counselor that you both believe will meet your needs and have set an appointment, how do you prepare for your first meeting together?

The first meeting is a get acquainted meeting. You want to ascertain that the chemistry between you both and the counselor and the counselor to you both is good.

To do this, make a "focus list" of the issues and concerns that are important. Make a list of the goals that you want to accomplish and write them down.

One good approach is to do this separately and then compare notes.

Be open and "brain storm".

Discuss and do this exercise again. Do this over a couple of weeks. You will be amazed what you both come up with.

Please make no judgments at this point.

Identify where you agree and where you disagree and let the counselor sort it out.

Determine the "scope" of your counseling using a broadband approach.

You are only going to work on relationships and the TG/CD issues and concerns. Many people in counseling get so far out into the branches of the tree they lose sight of the "trunk".

One other thing; make a list of questions you both want to ask the counselor and give him/her your list. When you get there you will probably forget the questions you wanted to ask.

One question that always seems to come up is should the CD go dressed. The recommendation is "NO".

Don’t let your list put limitations on your counseling, but it will keep you both focused and you can measure your learning progress against your goals.

In setting goals, set 5 or 6, don’t set 25, you will be doomed to failure.

By doing this you both have taken the first step in building your relationship and creating interdependency with each other. Plus, the counseling will be more productive and meaningful.

Finally, make a list of want each of you want in a counselor and use it to measure the counselor after the first session. If you share your performance standards with the counselor, it will help the counselor be more effective.

The one thing you don’t want to do is to take a "Tabula Rasa" approach to counseling.

Next: Your First Session