A relationship is not only fragile it is dynamic and always changing.
This is the second part of a three part discussion and deals with relationships.
Not the rebuilding of a damaged current relationship, if there is a real or perceived crises, but the building of a new relationship to move forward.
This is very important because if there is effort and time undertaken to rebuild history, what was, there will be unsatisfactory results and more than likely failure of the relationship.
In other words the emotional bank account will be closed or the balance will be so small that there is not much value left.
Memories are great; keep the great memories.
As stated earlier, a relationship is based upon trust and a broken trust is very difficult if not impossible to repair. A relationship is also based upon communications and a common value system that is jointly understood and accepted by both. This is a tall order and in most cases needs the assistance of a professional counselor.
Again, let’s go to the "bottom line". This article will not deal with the "why", the "when" or the "causal relationship" of transgender expression. Let's start with you "do" and you "want to". Now it seems if you are at a point of bifurcation (a fork in the road). One path is you continue, the other is you don’t. The odds are you are on the path that says "Yes". If any other direction is undertaken (the other path), counseling will not help and will ultimately lead to destruction of the relationship and bitter feelings. The building of a new relationship is the open sharing of feelings. It is the building of interdependency. It is the emotional understanding and acceptance of each other as you are. This is the goal of counseling.
Counseling to be effective must be a positive learning response experience. If one party is still in Stage One (Shock and Awe), or Stage Two (Anger and Rage), the parties are not ready for counseling. If they start here they will be attacking the issues described in stages one and two (and maybe each other) and not the relationship issues. To gain the most both parties should be in at least stage Three to begin the counseling, but more about this in the third article in the July issue.
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Updated: 05/08/04
